i love you daddy

Life has been a little crazy lately. Once I did not spread my dad's ashes after I received them, I knew I would find the right time to do it. I thought maybe on the anniversary of his heart attack, or his death. Things got crazy and although he was constantly on my mind, the timing did not work out. Then on my birthday I decided it was time, well of course, with the move and all things are still crazy, but on July 30 I finally had the honor of spreading his ashes. I thought about the moment and what we would do, what it would be like, and where. Things weren't quite as I imgained, but never the less, perfect.

We drove down to Lake Isabella, just 10 minutes from our home in Cincinnati. Dad had taken us fishing there, Caleb learned to hook a worm, and Elijah was just a baby. On the way, I turned on Shania Twain, and I turned it up loud. Elijah said, Mommy is this Papa's favorite. I said, yep it is! It was about 80 degrees and beautifully sunny. We got there and talked to the boys about how Grandpa Sutton had a special spot we could go to and remember him and this was going to be a special spot where we could remember Papa. We remembered back to the day we had been fishing there. Then we asked the boys to tell us some of their favorite things they did with Papa. Caleb said, bunnies and cows and that's it. As I began to think to myself, well that was brief but that's okay i guess, Caleb continued, and trains, and the barn, and on and on he went. I smiled so big to hear him remember. Then it was Elijah's turn. He was just 2 when Papa died and didn't have anything to say. I cried and them reminded him about going to Papa'a cookie store. He said, yeah I went to Papa's cookie store. And of course we let Micaiah listen in as we try to share with her the memories she will never have. It was hard, but it was good. Then we thought we would spread the ashes and well, my dad always had his way of making things more difficult then they needed to be and so he continued. The ashes had solidified a bit and were somewhat difficult to get out. Finally after about 5 minutes they were all out. While we were putting them in the lake, Caleb through a huge rock in the water and I got a big splash, a baptism of sorts I guess? We ended with a prayer, so grateful for the memories and relationship we had with Papa. And to top it off, the moment ended with finding a dead fish washed up to the shore. It was over a foot long and the boys were so fascinated with the dead fish.

So, as I said, not exactly glamourous, but wonderful.